The Pleasurable Pain

The artist's mind wanders.  Effortlessly but so intensely.  The words pain pictures and composed melodies in the eye and very soul of my mind.  So very beautiful.  The picture is so dull and grey but the melody I hear is so beautiful and vibrant.  The most beautiful thing that I've ever seen but I can still see the underlying themes of pain.  Such an intense pain that the beauty almost evokes tears.  At that point...they become one.  The pain embodies the pleasure.  It's so difficult to tear them apart and even fathom the thought of experiencing one without the other.  I can't even endure the beauty.  It is pleasing to my eyes, to my soul, to my hear.  It is painful. As pleasing as it is, my heart wrenches at the very thought of having to lay sight on it again.  Just as the fear begins to overtake my mind, the soul remembers that the pleasure just might be worth casting just one more glance.  So horrid, but ohhhh so wonderful.  

It is perfect. It is meant.  It's okay...

I, Too, Sing America

Last night,  I made history.  Last night, WE made history.  The 44th president of the United States is a BLACK MAN! I am still in total and complete shock, but I think that I have finally come to the place where I can somewhat articulate my immense feelings about the historic events that took place last night.  

I remember sitting at my great-grandmother's feet as a child and hearing all of the stories about her marches and her sit-ins.  I remember hearing about the many conversations between she and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and John F. Kennedy.  I remember her telling me about the extreme police brutality and unfairness and how  she fought sooooo hard for change. 

I also remember the same stories of my grandmother.  The stories of how the Ku Klux Klan burned down her store because of the accomplishments of her black children in rural Mississippi. The stories of working in the cotton fields. The stories of how hard it was to be a Black woman in the south.

My mother, she, had her stories too... Stories of how my aunt was the first Black to integrate an all-white high school in Mississippi and because of the threats, had to be escorted daily by the secret service to school...as a teenager. I remember her stories of how on a band trip their bus was escorted through a town by armed Ku Klux Klan on horses because they were "niggers".

Then I remember my childhood, I remember growing up thinking that although my family has such a rich history I would never have those stories of my own to share with my children.  I was certain that I would only be able to share the stories of my elders.  Now,  I have my own history.

I will be able to tell my children they TRULY can be whatever they want to be.  I will be able to tell them how during my senior year in college, voting in my very first presidential election...I was a part of history.  No, not a sit-in, no not a boycott, for our ancestors worked long and hard to make it so that we would never have to experience that.  But I could tell them that I was a part of making Martin Luther King's dream come true.  I would be able to tell them of how after the Georgia primary election, I begged for a wall sign, and transported the huge poster on the top of MY car at two o'clock in the morning going 5 miles an hour because I believed in change. I could tell them what it felt like to be at Spelman College during the watch party, where it was announced that MY president is a Black man! I could tell them what it was like to drive down Auburn Ave., the site of a large part of the Civil Rights Movement, the site of Ebenezer Baptist Church, the site of the childhood home of Martin Luther King, Jr., to see my sisters and brothers in the struggle scream and cry in disbelief.  The president of the United States, a country that was wrought with slavery, segregation, racism, and violence, all because of skin color, this country, Black and White, proudly calls a Black man their president.  And not only is he a Black man, he is educated, he is qualified, he is worthy.  And they said it couldn't be done...

"And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible." Mark 10:27

The change that we believed in and fought for is here, YES WE DID!

This morning while recapping the events of last night, I came across a poem by Langston Hughes entitled "I, Too, Sing America"

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.

They send me to eat in the kitchen

When company comes,

But I laugh,

And eat well,

And grow strong.

Tomorrow, 

I'll be at the table

When company comes. 

Nobody'll dare

Say to me,

"Eat in the kitchen,"

Then.

Besides,

They'll see how beautiful I am

And be ashamed--

For, I , too, am America.

As I read the poem, I began to cry. Because I realized that tomorrow has become today. My ancestors sat in the kitchen. My great-grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, they all sat in the kitchen. And I, unkno

wingly, sat in the kitchen until last night. But when it was announced that Barack Obama, a Black man, was my president, I came and I sat down at the table.  We all took our rightful place at the table. I, too, am America. You, too, are America. For the first time, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I am proud to be an American.

Black and White: 98-2 (cont.)

NOTE: Please read the blog 98-2 BEFORE continuing on....yes, even if you've already read it (but only if prior to 6/11 at 3A) it's changed a little :)

Well, technically, it's tomorrow.  Really, it's only two and a half hours after my first attempt.  At 3 o'clock in the morning and after the recent departure of a group of friends, one would think its time for bed, especially seeing that I have to be at work at 9AM.  However, my lovely friends have taken it upon themselves to keep me up past my sleepy time. You know, it's that time where you're tired out of your mind.  But for some mysterious reason, if you can just stick it out...I mean come on it's just an hour...your body is tricked into thinking you're fine for a whole 'nother day. (Sorry, that's my southern coming out :)  Granted, I had a great time...great discussion. Now that they're gone, I figure it's about that time for me to finish, so that you can appreciate a "complete" blog when you get the chance to read this week's addition.  

So now that it has been made completely clear that there is no straight forward, black and white answer to the simple but complex question, "In relationships between friends and love interests, can lies be used for good?" This amazing, perplexing question from "out of the blue" really had me stumped.  And of course this case of perplexity only caused me to be even more intrigued. So I'm back once again and I'm determined to finish this...BEFORE I go to sleep.  I hope I don't ramble too much, I tend to do that as it gets later and later....

Obviously, from the 98-2 (Part 1) blog, my answer to the question is a YES...a definite YES.  Now to finish explaining Percent #2, here goes....

Percent #2- The second percent, I will call "Omission of Specific Miscellaneous. Yes, I know, I changed the title...lol. Part of my earlier struggle, there were so many titles that I could add on with another backslash (thoughts/words/omission/etc./etc/etc/etc).  As aforementioned in the previous blog, although this category can seem very vague...IT IS NOT!  And now that there's a fitting title, I feel like I can continue.  I'm certain your wondering why I chose the oxymoron, specific miscellaneous.  It's pretty simple actually, the same way in which I've proven that these simple questions and simple answers are so complex, Complex Simplicity. Oxymoron...yes...but oh so fitting...absolutely.  The really complex part, now, is choosing which of the many entities to begin with. 

Hurtful thoughts/words....that's where I'll start.  Never EVER is it acceptable to do turn negative and judgmental thoughts about the other person into words in order to cause emotional harm.   Yes, I do agree that this things may be pertinent, but use discretion in delivery, NO blatant/intended harm...simple right? Sugar-coating in judgmental/self-conscious/harmful but necessary discussions...acceptable form of a "good lie".  i.e. Friend making detrimental life decisions and reaching out for help...discretion...or parent's don't necessarily care for new significant other...no pertinent need to be brought up...in the beginning, at least.

Next, past and unnecessary. I grouped these together for a very simple reason, because they are so often grouped.  just because "it" happened in the past does NOT mean that "it" is unnecessary.  Depending on what the "it" situation is, "it" can be extremely relevant, not only relevant but set the entire tone of the relationship, friendship or more.  I'm sure that I can go on for days giving examples but it all boils down to something pretty simple.  If you think for any moment that "an action/conversation/etc. could be in any way shape fashion or form detrimental to a relationship, just don't do it! And if temptation, or whatever the cause may be, causes "it" to take place...lying or omission is unacceptable. No "good lie" for this form only "good omission", if and only if, action/conversation/etc. will cause drama because of petty (I just don't like them) reasons or situations of the like. Merely my opinion...so eager to hear yours...

Truth...just like the picture. Ninety-eight percent black and white with two percent "out of the blue"...I'll call it "Complex Simplicity" :)

98-2

After all the comments from last week about the "Eighth Wonder" note...I've decided to make this a weekly thing.  I'm sooo happy you guys liked it, I really didn't think it would turn out to be such a hit.  It's a hell of an affirmation to know that people really want to hear what I think! :) Now, I'm so excited to hear all the fascinating questions and give my simple but complex responses.  To that end, I have solicited the help of last week's contributor.  Because the initial question was so random...so "out of the blue", although it's cliche...I'll refer to the contributor as just that..."out of the blue". Every week, different questions, sometimes different people, but all.."out of the blue".

After a week's notice and many more "random" simple but complex conversations, the second question came in the middle of the day from "out of the blue".  Honestly, although very interested to see what was in store after a week's worth of anticipation, I found myself a tad apprehensive of the question to come.  Unsure if the apprehension stemmed from my perfectionistic...sorry, I made that up, I couldn't think of a better word lol...but my perfectionistic  need to live up to the "rave" reviews from the last post or if I was slightly afraid that the response to this week's question wouldn't "come to me" as quickly as the last, I braced myself and stared at my phone for a response to my "have u come up with my question?" text. After waiting for an agonzing two minutes (...and then after about two minutes the agony went away-if you don't get it watch top video on left)...I was actually relieved to see the response.  "Yea I have are you ready for it?" It wasn't the question... YES!...more time to stall.  I paused for a second, prepared my mind and responded, "okay....go". 

Question, from "out of the blue":  In relationships between friends or love interests, can lies be used for good?

My apprehension was NOT in vain.  After receiving the text, I felt the whirlwind that "calls itself my brain" begin to go crazy.  Although it was a definitive yes or no question, I became flustered because the question was so loaded. As my brain took off, a myriad of theories inundated my mind. There's an infinite number of "ands, ifs, and buts" that can come in to play. Of course, technically, we all know lies are bad. Isn't that one of the first things that we learn?  

Really, just think about it.  The Bible clearly states, at the very beginning,  Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour (in laymen's terms...don't lie).  Exodus 20:16....In court, before able to verbally submit any testimony,  one must repeat, "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God." And I shudder just thinking about the amount of trouble I would get in for lying to my parents while growing up, or even thinking for a second that it was okay to not only lie,  but merely mention that my parents could possibly be telling half truths. I can just hear my parents now, "Are you calling me a liar?"...immediately followed by the freezing over of hell. 

Now, when it comes to friendships and relationships (in these days we can only hope that the basis of these relationships is friendship), I like to think of it as a 98-2 relationship.  Ninety-eight percent truth/two percent lie. For a quick second, I almost said 95-5 (...wink...its an inside joke), but five percent is way too much.  I hope it's blatantly obvious that truth is of the utmost importance...and I'm certain I need not explain why. So instead of justifying the ninety-eight percent, I'd rather explain why I'm a FIRM believer in the two percent lie factor. 

Percent #1- This first percent, I call the "surprise factor".  It is SUPER important to lie to maintain the integrity of a good surprise.  The word good in the previous sentence is key.  Good does NOT refer to the level of surprise. We could easily call realizing that a significant other has been cheating with an ex for months without any suspicion when you're saying you're off at the gym (courtesy of Maury lol) a "good surprise"...it's been under your nose all this time with no suspicion..gotcha good!  NEGATIVE!  Good instead refers to the occasion.  Birthdays, anniversaries, engagements, holidays, going aways/coming homes, and just because you're you present moments can all be the catalyst for a "good surprise".  And a "good lie" like, "were just going to dinner for your birthday" when you're actually meeting me at my house because there's fifty people waiting to surprise you, can very well be necessary. That's a "good lie".

Percent #2- The second percent, I call "past unnecessary/omission"...NEVER LYING.  Although this category can seem very vague..IT IS NOT!  And it only involves hurtful thoughts, not actions! I actually am having a great deal of trouble phrasing it so I'm going to have to give it a little more thought and come back...hmmm.....

Until tomorrow...

     

The Eighth Wonder

Sooo...I'm not one to post things online at all...not even Facebook. No albums, notes, or videos...but after having an amazing conversation, I was moved to share.  The response was so warm that it blossomed in to this...Complex Simplicity by GrammatAKAl Beauty.

At first I really didn't think the conversation was that special, but after rereading it the purity warmed my heart. A simple answer to a question...no time to really think about it, just a pure answer...unperfected, unaltered, uncensored. I will relay it verbatim, although the perfectionist in me is itching to add to it and reword. But I refuse to jeopardize the integrity and essence of a "simple question and answer." So here it is.....

I was at work today sitting in my cubicle working while watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy on my computer and having multiple text conversations, when a close friend of mine sent me a RANDOM text. A simple question, out of the blue: "So if love is so great why does it make you cry?" I was taken aback and immediately my response was...explain your question...where is this coming from? I was taken off guard by something so simple, but so deep and I wanted to actually understand the question and make sure I was going to answer properly. The response was..."The question came up because of a song I was listening to...some alicia joint" LOL 

My answer (excuse all the ... it was a text convo lol): Love is all encompassing...its the imperfections that make it perfect. You wouldn't be able to truly appreciate the good without the bad to counter it...and who says crying is bad...i think crying is so necessary and soo cleansing...i think the fact that it makes you cry is one of the most beautiful things...it means that there's passion and vulnerability and all that other stuff that people are so afraid to express...it allows you to fully experience the joys of life. And yeah...you may get your heart broken...but its sooooooo worth it...because I'd much rather know it and lose it rather than never being so fortunate to experience it anyday. And no love is ever the same but everytime and on every level its THE most beautiful thing ever..in my opinion, the eighth wonder of the world.

 

Tell me what you think....